Attachment theory by John Bowlby explains how early relationships with caregivers shape the way we connect with others throughout our lives. Dr. Sue Johnson took inspiration from Bowlby’s model and developed an adult model of attachment that can be applied to couples.

The main categories of attachment are secure, anxious, and avoidant. A secure attachment style is considered the healthiest and most balanced, allowing individuals to form stable, trusting, and fulfilling relationships. But how do you know if you have a secure attachment style? In this first part of our series on attachment, we’ll explore the key characteristics of secure attachment and how it influences relationships.

What Is Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment develops when caregivers consistently respond to a child’s needs with warmth, reliability, and emotional support. As a result, the child grows up with a strong sense of trust and self-worth, leading to confidence in relationships and emotional resilience. Adult relationships can also affect a person’s attachment style, and attachment can change over a person’s life.

Signs You Have a Secure Attachment Style

If you have a secure attachment style, you likely display the following characteristics in your relationships:

1. Comfort with Emotional Intimacy – You can express your emotions openly and feel comfortable being vulnerable with others.
2. Healthy Boundaries – You respect your own needs while also considering the needs of others, avoiding codependency or excessive detachment.
3. Trust and Reliability – You trust others unless given a valid reason not to, and you strive to be a dependable partner, friend, or colleague.
4. Effective Communication – You communicate your needs and feelings honestly and constructively without fear of rejection or conflict.
5. Ability to Regulate Emotions – You handle stress and emotional challenges in a balanced way, avoiding extreme reactions or emotional shutdowns.
6. Independence and Interdependence – You feel secure both in solitude and in relationships, knowing you can rely on others while also being self-sufficient.
7. Conflict Resolution Skills – You can address disagreements calmly, seek compromise, and avoid unnecessary drama or emotional withdrawal.

How Secure Attachment Impacts Your Relationships

People with secure attachment tend to form deep, meaningful connections with romantic partners, friends, and family members. They experience:

• Stable Romantic Relationships – They are less likely to engage in toxic relationship patterns and more likely to foster trust, love, and mutual respect.
• Supportive Friendships – They create and maintain long-term friendships built on mutual understanding and emotional support.
• Professional and Social Confidence – They navigate workplace dynamics and social settings with ease, feeling secure in their self-worth and abilities.

Can You Develop a Secure Attachment Style?

Even if you didn’t grow up with a secure attachment, it’s possible to develop one through self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationships. In the next part of this series, we’ll explore other attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—and how they impact relationships. Stay tuned for insights on how to recognize and shift toward a more secure attachment style over time.

By understanding attachment styles, you can take steps toward building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Whether you already have a secure attachment or are working toward one, awareness is the first step to meaningful personal growth.

Start Couples Therapy in American Fork, UT

If you’re ready to strengthen your relationships and explore your own attachment style, working with a skilled couples therapist can help. Whether you’re building on a secure foundation or seeking to shift patterns that no longer serve you, therapy offers a safe space for growth. Start your therapy journey with The Family Therapy Clinic by following these simple steps:

1. Schedule a consultation.
2. Learn more about our team of caring therapists.
3. Start improving your relationships!

Other Services Offered with The Family Therapy Clinic in Utah

At The Family Therapy Clinic, we provide comprehensive mental health services designed to address your unique needs. We are happy to offer couples therapy, but this isn’t the only service we offer. Our team of specialized therapists is happy to offer marriage counseling, adult anxiety, therapy for teens facing anxiety and depression, and OCD therapy, ensuring a holistic approach to mental wellness across different life stages. Visit our blog for more helpful info!